whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
