I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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