the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
