She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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