They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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