Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
