I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's Friday. Sex?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
