I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize