I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
