can u get pink eye on your cock?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
