I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
