With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
