pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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