you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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