i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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