The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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