So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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