no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
