Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
