Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
