you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
