I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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