How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sarcasm needs its own font
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
