i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
