At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
