I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
organizing the empties. That sober.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
