why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
