I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
