Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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