my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize