In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
