update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
