Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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