the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
