I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
