I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
