I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He passed out mid-signature
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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