i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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