I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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