Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This house was built for laser tag.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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