So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
