We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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