I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
