I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
