am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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