His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
