I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
