i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
