Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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