When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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