dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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