Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
