what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
