New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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