Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize