just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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