She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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