New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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