I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
