erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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