she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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