those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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