capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
