she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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