I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
