I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
