I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My dick has a subreddit
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
