About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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