pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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