so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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