worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
