I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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