A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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