I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize