none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
