I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize