just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
