In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the day after is always just damage control
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
