He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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